She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
