If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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