you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
