these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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