Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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