I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
