worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
