you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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