sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
