I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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