You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
