This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
