You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
