he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
