just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
