my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
