love makes seman taste better
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
