Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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