Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
