Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
