Already got asked if we're dating
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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