The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
