I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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