an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
