I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
