You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
