u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
