my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
