sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
