The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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