Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We're too hungover to prance.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
