No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
