Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
