Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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