What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
