He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
