So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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