If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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