Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
