...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
