i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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