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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
