Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
