dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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