I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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