Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
