i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
