Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
