"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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