well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
