Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
