he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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