I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
